I just realized I hate being pregnant and that’s OK. Don’t get me wrong, I of all people know what a gift the ability to have a baby is. Because of reproductive health issues, I was sure I would never get to be a mom. After a year of trying to have a baby and starting to give up, I conceived a baby boy. Therefore, I do not take pregnancy for granted; I just hate it.
Why I hate being pregnant
I expected to have uncomfortable symptoms with pregnancy like morning sickness and fatigue, but I never imaged they would be this extreme. I figured those symptoms were just bad sides to a good meal, not the main course. Surely I would tolerate being pregnant but still enjoy it. However, I hate being pregnant, and I feel guilty for it.
I am almost aways uncomfortable weather that is from back pain, heartburn, swollen ankles, constipation, fatigue, dizziness, or whatever new symptom arises that day. I have to pretend to smile as my over-excited mother in law rubs my heavy belly every time I see her. Feeling the baby kick has turned from exciting to annoying and my mood has changed from happy to overwhelmed, sad, and angry. I feel unattractive and worthless. I can not accomplish anything on my to-do list, and I am afraid that I will fail as a mom. How can I raise a baby and be a good mother if I can’t even handle the pregnancy?
It’s ok to hate being pregnant
I am coping with hating pregnancy by realizing that it is not just ok, but it is completely justified to hate pregnancy. I believe that many other women also hate being pregnant, but they are just too ashamed to admit it. Could you truthfully tell an excited relative or friend how terrible pregnancy is? Though it is difficult for one to confess they hate pregnancy, it is important for pregnant women to let others know that pregnancy is not always enjoyable.
Dealing with pregnancy hatred
- Realizing that pregnancy and motherhood are not the same has helped me overcome the guilt I feel for hating pregnancy. Just because you do not want to be pregnant does not mean you do not want to have a baby. Pregnancy is just a process that gets you to the end result of raising a child. You can hate pregnancy but still love your baby just like you can hate college but still love your degree. Furthermore, once the baby is born, you will not have fluctuating hormones and terrible symptoms coming between you and your child.
- Telling supportive family members like my husband that I hate being pregnant has eased some of my stress. It is helpful to have someone listen to you complain. Having your feelings out in the open prevents you from having to pretend like everything is great. Furthermore, finding other pregnant women to sympathize with can help you feel like what you’re going through is normal.
- Learn how to deal with your feelings toward pregnancy one day at a time. Just because you hate being pregnant one day does not mean you can not enjoy it the next. Marvel at the wonders of pregnancy only on the days you feel like it.
- Try focusing on something other than your pregnancy when you are having a hard time dealing with it. Separating yourself from your pregnancy may be difficult since your bump is the center of everyone’s conversation, but with some effort it is possible. I like to remove myself from the thought of pregnancy by taking a warm bath while drinking some hot tea and listening to relaxing music. Just find something that relaxes you and keeps your mind off the baby.